The Virtual Tour for Kelly Starling Lyon's "One Million Men and Me"

A few weeks back, Kelly Starling Lyons sent me an email asking if I would like to participate in her virtual tour on the occasion of the 15th anniversary of the Million Man March (October 16) - which was the inspiration for her picture book, One Million Men and Me. I was thrilled, of course. Not only do I like Kelly and her writing, this also falls perfectly into my continuing commitment to bridge the world.

We had to overcome a few challenges : first, I needed to get the book, and as I'm told that postal services cannot be trusted, here, it meant asking a friend at UNICEF headquarters in New York to send it by the pouch, and hope it would get here on time... Which it did.  But when I opened the envelope, the book inside was wet and quite damaged. I had to very slowly peel off the pages glued together and set them under the fan to dry (my hair dryer is in the container, with the rest of our personal effects). The bottom of many of Peter Ambush's expressive illustrations had suffered, but at least, the text was complete.

I had also hoped to involve the library at the American International School of Dhaka, but it proved impossible - this I found out only a few days before my post was due. In the end, I invited our daughters' new friends, and we read the book together in our empty, very echoing apartment.

The group was composed of girls aged 6 to 10, all from mixed backgrounds (France, Haiti, Indonesia and the US), and kids who've all already lived in at least two countries, spanning several continents. We talked about the beautiful illustration on the cover, and the Million Man March. After I read the book, we looked at pictures of the March on the Internet, and also discussed the March on Washington for Freedom and Jobs, on August 28, 1963, the civil rights struggle, and Martin Luther King Junior's historical speech. It was the perfect end to an extremely gloomy, rainy day in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

When I asked the girls what they had preferred in the book, they all mentioned the illustration with the African princess. One of them also said : "the first page, when the cousin said that no girls can go, but her daddy took her anyway." And she nodded, as if to say : there.

One Million Men and Me takes us back to that magical day, allowing us to experience it through the eyes of young Nia. We feel her pride, and we feel her joy, as she shares this very special moment with her father. She will never forget it, and nor will all the girls who read the book, I bet.

Thank you, Kelly, for this opportunity to discover and share your (and Peter Ambush) very touching book about not only the day when "Black men made history," but also the beauty and importance of the special bond between father and daughter (two daddies attended the reading, by the way, and my husband took the pictures.)

Anyone who posts a comment, here, or on Kelly's Facebook page or her blog, will be entered in a drawing for one of three prizes - One Million Men and Me T-shirt, tote bag or signed poster. Kelly will announce the winners on the March anniversary, October 16.

Out of The Way! Out of The Way! Blog Tour

I'm so happy to host two very talented artists, Uma Krishnaswami the author, and Uma Krishnaswamy the illustrator, on the occasion of the blog tour for the release of their delightful picture book Out of the Way! Out of the Way, published by Tulika Books.

The book charmingly weaves together the stories of a tree and of a village road growing, and growing around each other, each making room for the other.

It was translated into eight Indian languages, and I was lucky to receive a copy in English, and another in Hindi. So, I thought I'd involve my daughter and her class. Look at them chanting "Out of the Way, Out of the Way," first in English, and then in Hindi.

(Special thanks to Miss Nuwaira and Miss Diya, and M. Chalasani, Principal of Indus International School of Hyderabad, for allowing the PP2 class to participate in the blog tour.)

Books for Children and Young Adults set in Haiti

As I work on a post about Haiti, its beauty, and what the country and its people mean to me, I'd like to direct you to Mitali Perkins' blog, where she compiled a list of books for children and Young Adults set in Haiti. I particularly like "Tap Tap" and "Painted Dreams," by Karen Lynn Williams. And Edwige Danticat's "Behind The Mountains" is a touching novel.

As I mentioned in Mitali's comment section, I find it interesting that the last picture book set in Haiti was published five years ago. For almost a year, now, I've been trying to find a publisher for a picture book manuscript set in Haiti. The title (tentative, as always) is "The Pulse of Papa's Land," and it is the story of a child from the Haitian diaspora who travels to Haiti with her father for the first time. I have received very nice rejection mentioning the music of the text and what not, but rejections nevertheless. I know, the economic situation, etc, etc. It is still out there, anyway. I have not given up...

That story had been lurking around in my mind for a few years. It was more like images, really. My mother in law's garden, in Fermathe. The Citadelle. My father in law's boundless energy, and his contagious joy in the small pleasures of life. A pick-up truck bouncing up a dirt mountain road. A drum beating in the night.

When I came back home after our last trip in Haiti in the summer of 2008,  the story just poured out of me. I worked at it for several months, wrote half a dozen drafts, and finally, in May 2009, I felt it was ready. It has since gone through two more revisions, and I'm now pretty confident about it (and believe me when I say that this is not my usual state of mind - I'm more like your average pathologically anxious female Woody Allen - if only I were half as funny.) But the feedback has always been very positive, and most of all, I truly poured my heart out with this story. It touches themes that resonate deeply within me : the longing and confusion that come with wanting to belong and feeling foreign at the same time, the mysterious ways in which one person's culture and heritage can be a part of their soul fabric without them even knowing about it, and the special relationship between a father and his daughter. And it allowed me to write about the beauty of Haiti and its people, as opposed to the dry comments one finds in the press about the "most impoverished nation in the Western Hemisphere." I so long to see books that celebrate this country's spirit and resilience, its joyful people and its rich and vibrant culture.

My Global Bookshelf : A Broad Abroad, (The Expat Wife's Guide to Successful Living Abroad), by Robin Pascoe

According to Expat Expert Robin Pascoe, the trailing spouse is “the ultimate portable wife, and probably a mother too. [...] She is also the last person anybody really thinks about until all the clean underwear runs out.”

And she would know. As the trailing spouse of a Canadian diplomat, the author lived in Bangkok (where she gave birth to their first child), Taipei, Beijing, and Seoul, with re-entries in Canada in between, and a final move to Vancouver, British Columbia, all in a span of 15 years.

In this revised and updated edition of the book that first came out in 1992, Robin Pascoe shares her extensive experience, along with the lessons learned (often the hard way) with the reader, taking us through all the stages of a move abroad, from the preparations and research about the host country, the arrival and the various stages of culture shock all the way to the return home.

Chapters have telling titles like “Pre-Moving Day Jitters,” Making the Cultural Transition,” “Maids and Madams,” and “Home Leave to Hell,” with short, but always informative entries like “Why Did I Come?”, The Absent Husband,” “Your Children and Household Help,” “Doctor Disasters,” etc.

On the cover of the book, Robin sits in what looks like a huge box attached to a bicycle, an open packing box on the pavement next to her, in a street of Amsterdam. She’s ready to go. As all trailing spouses usually are, carrying so many conflicting emotions, along with their passports, and whatever belongings they’ve chosen to take across the world.

Robin’s talent lies in her ability to express feelings in a way that is at once honest, sensible and witty. She says it the way it is, which is what I love about her, and most likely what appeals to the enormous following she’s created over her years of writing and talking about expatriation. The chapter where she tackles the very sensitive issue of culture shock is a must-read for anyone even remotely concerned with expatriation.

A Broad Abroad is an essential book for any expat's wife (and if you have children, Raising Global Nomads by the same author - interview, here - is another indispensable book to have and read, over and over again). Whether you’re new to the “job” or old-timers, you will not only find practical and useful everyday advices, but also, and here comes Robin Pascoe's invaluable gift to us, the kind of empathy that we all so desperately need while facing the turmoils and challenges that go hand in hand with the joys and beauty of living the expatriate life - a voice that says: Don't you worry. I've been there, I've done that, and I am telling you: you're NOT crazy.

Robin Pascoe's A Broad Abroad's Book Trailer

I'm waiting for Robin Pascoe's last book to travel the maze of the Indian Post Office all the way to my hands. In the meantime, we can watch the trailer. Don't you just LOVE that cover ?

My Global Bookshelf : "Tone Deaf in Bangkok" by Janet Brown

Tone Deaf in Bangkok (And Other Places), published by ThingsAsian Press, is Janet Brown’s travel memoir of how and why she, a middle aged American woman who’d lived in Alaska and Seattle, fell in love with the city of Bangkok, spent several years there, and after returning to Seattle for a while, finally decided to go back for good.

The book itself is beautiful, with photographs from Nana Chen that give a real feel for the day to day life in the city. This is not your usual glossy touristy book about Bangkok. By the time I had followed the author through her journey, and spent time contemplating Nana Chen’s pictures, I felt I knew the place (and the author) a little better.

I spent some time in Bangkok, in 1993, as one of those backpackers that Janet mentions none too affectionately in her pages. It was the perfect base to explore neighboring countries, collect mail at the central Post Office, and get a taste for “civilization” as we Westerners like to call it (that entails air conditioned malls, movie theaters, shopping, and a facial thrown in to try and get some of the dust accumulated during endless bus, motorcycle or train journeys out of my skin). I walked those narrow lanes, visited the city’s many splendors, bargained at the markets, and careened through the streets aboard three-wheeled death defying tuk-tuks. I could have entertained the erroneous notion that I knew Bangkok, except that I always instinctively sensed that you don’t know a place unless you live there - and even then, you have to make the effort to really get to know it.  Janet Brown definitely made that effort.

With beautiful, fluid prose, unwavering honesty, and an elegant sense of humor, the author shares intimate snapshots of her life as a farang, or a guava, from her attempts to speak the tonal language, to her discovery that in order to be truly accepted and welcomed in a foreign country, you must first observe the ways of its people with humility and grace. 

I was moved to tears by her discreet and intensely felt account of her love affair with a young Thai who could have been her son. I laughed, while trying to imagine her seating side-saddled on a motorcycle, wearing a skirt and high-heeled sandals to go and visit Khmer ruins on the Cambodian border.

But my favorite moments in the book are those where Janet Brown tries to make sense of her identity - whether defining how she will experience entertainment in a way that suits her tastes and needs, as opposed to just going along with any group, or struggling to understand what it is exactly that makes her feel so vibrant and alive in Bangkok. Reading her, I felt I had found a soul mate - only much braver, and stronger.

During our years in Nigeria, there was an opening for a position in Geneva, Switzerland. My husband mentioned it to me, and my reaction stunned him, and everyone who knew me, and knew of the hardship we’d been experiencing. “No, thank you very much, but I’d rather stay in Nigeria.” Even as I sometimes cried on the plane that took me back from Lagos to Enugu after a vacation abroad, I stubbornly sustained that if I had to choose again between living in Switzerland or living in Nigeria, I would still choose Nigeria. I think Janet would understand me well. Here is what she writes, at the beginning of the book: “I live, at this point in my life, in the ideal American city. Seattle is small enough to be friendly, large enough to be urban, and is surrounded by enough natural beauty to launch a million calendars... Tourists come to the bookstore where I work, raving about this place, and it takes everything I have to keep from saying, “Thanks. Glad you like it. It bores me silly.”

There is not one boring moment, in "Tone Deaf in Bangkok," whether you're eating durians with Janet, celebrating Songkran (the traditional Thai New Year) on Khao San Road, pondering the advantages and benefits of separate toilets fitted in the floor, or weighing the pros and cons of the Bangkok Skytrain (ah, the eternal conflict between efficiency and dullness)... 

Read “Tone Deaf in Bangkok (And Other Place).” It will take you on an intimate journey with a funny, generous, independent woman while showing you the heart and many hidden corners of a city (and a few other neighboring places) just as fascinating as your tour guide.

My Global Bookshelf : The Expat Arc, by Danielle Barkhouse

Today, I want to talk about another book by a fellow blogger and expatriate.

Before India, Danielle Barkhouse was a trailing spouse in the US and in the UK. Upon hearing the news that her husband’s work was taking them to Chennai, formerly known as Madras, in Southern India, she started writing a blog which she refers to as her "free therapy" outlet. It begins before she leaves the US, and continues throughout the whole first year of the family's life in India (and the family includes a much-loved golden retriever,) allowing the reader a glimpse into the various stages of culture shock. She has now published the blog content, after some editing, and the book is titled: The Expat Arc. An expat's journey over culture shock.

Danielle Barkhouse is a Canadian with a no-non-sense, down-to-earth approach to life - now that I think about it, I realize that most Canadians I know seem to share that quality. She has a good, often very funny voice, spunky and full of personality, and most of all, I found her to be unwaveringly and refreshingly honest, and that is the thing that impresses me the most about her blog, and now, her book.

As an expat who’s lived outside of her birth country practically half her life -yuck, imagine being old enough to be able to say something like that! - I’m quite familiar with said stages of culture shock (they have been assimilated to the stages of grief), even though I only recently acquired the vocabulary and knowledge to recognize the symptoms for what they are. I’ve also witnessed other people experiencing them. I don’t believe it is ever easy to analyze one’s emotions with the clarity and honesty that Danie Barkhouse displays throughout her book. It is often more convenient to either shut out the world just outside the door and become totally negative about it, or to fall into the other extreme, which is to make the conscious decision that you will like it, whether you really do or not. Danie candidly admits to having fallen into the first negative category while living in England, and recognizes what a waste of time and energy it is and decides she will not experience India in the same way. And she doesn’t.

“The difference between me and most other people is that I say the stuff most people think but don’t say aloud,” she declares, at some stage. To illustrate that point, here is her undiluted take about the way political correctness is transforming Christmas in the US:

"The day that we left Chennai, JB walked through the factory and about 60 people wished him a Merry Christmas. Or, as they say, Happy Christmas. We’ve received cards and gifts from many non-Christmas-celebrating people. We're talking about Indian Hindus. As we journeyed through the Dubai airport, we were in awe of the Christmas decorations. It was so beautiful. When we were there in November, several people had wished us a Merry Christmas. We're talking about Middle Eastern Muslims." She goes on to describe their arrival in New York, a primarily Christian country, where only two people wish them "Happy holidays." And she adds: "What the heck is our problem? We're so concerned about being "politically correct" that we've become anti-Christmas. [...] I've got to tell you, in case you’re missing the tone here, I'm beyond appalled. I resent America placing a big fat censorship on Christmas. [...] I have every respect for other cultures and faiths. We can have it all. I wonder what Hindus in Asia and Muslims in the Middle East would think if they knew the controversy over Christmas in America."

How is that for going straight to the point? It is entirely true that most people, in India, acknowledge, and even celebrate each other's religious holidays with a true spirit of tolerance. And there should indeed be room for everyone to freely celebrate their faith.

Another post is aptly titled “Miss Communications,” and I could have written it myself.

“You can't stick a girl in India with no way of communicating with the outside world. […] People have been relocating to and living in other countries all around the world for many years. How on earth did they survive before the Internet?”

Well, they survived the way we all do when we have to - and of course, they couldn't pine after our ultra fast ways of doing things, nowadays, since these didn't exist. But for having experienced it, I can tell you that it's enough to drive any girl outside of the boundaries of sanity.

Now, one may argue that Danie’s experience is that of the corporate expatriate, and not all expats work for corporations which provide their staff and their family with cultural trainings, shipment entitlements every three or four months, etc, etc. So, when she touches the potentially sensitive subject of the differences between expats (“There seems to be a growing attitude among expats of whether you're 'expat enough.' Twelve years as an expat is 'less expat' than 25 years with the kids being born all around the world. You might also be 'more expat' than someone else if your posts have been tougher. A post in India would make us 'more expat' than our England or US posts? Seriously. Expat is expat. You're still away from home”) she might find that some people want to push the discussion a little further. And "some people" is going to be me, for now.

First of all, there are those who don’t even know what “home” means, anymore. They may belong to a family with the father being from one place, the mother from another – or even two, as in my own case – with kids born in yet another place, or more, and so, where is home? For me, home is where my bubble, containing my daughters, my husband, and my books are. It’s not a country. I’m tremendously helped in that by the fact that my mother, who left Franco’s Spain in her mid-twenties to go in search of a better, freer future in France, always told us kids as we grew up: “My country is the country that feeds me, the country that allows me to work and where I can eat and not starve.”

Secondly, being an expatriate in a place where you find practically everything, where there are no power supply or communication problems to speak of is not the same as being in a place where you have to deal with this kind of problem practically on a daily basis; there may be power cuts, and the Internet may not work from time to time in India, especially when it rains, but as someone who spent over three years in Nigeria, where I routinely had to go entire weeks without phone or the Internet, I have found India to be quite all right in that regard. And I’m not even mentioning security problems, again like the ones we had in Nigeria, where the UNICEF office could be attacked by men holding Kalashnikovs, one of them beating an office driver so he would hand over the 4x4 car keys, and my husband, who was the primary target of one of the mentioned Kalashnikovs shouting at them to just take the bloody car and leave the driver alone (which they did, thank Goodness!), and yours truly only a few feet behind said husband. Now, this may be a rather dramatic example, but I’ve gathered so many others from other expats having lived in difficult places, not always that spectacular, yet harrowing enough to render life very difficult indeed. Of course, some might respond that UN people know what they're getting themselves into when they choose such career. Maybe. Their families don't always, though. And so, I would argue (gently) with Danie that in light of all that, well, perhaps it is easier to understand why some people may feel that they're "a little more expats" than others. I don't believe it is ever done in a spirit of spiteful competition, but rather coming from a place of experience where you can't help but compare situations and draw obvious conclusions. The reason I mention this is that I do, at times, get a bit annoyed at some expats when I hear them complaining endlessly about not finding a particular brand of cereals, or some such.

That said, I want to add that going through the stages of culture shock means that people may find their buttons pushed where, in any other circumstances - like back home where they don't have to adjust to so many new things and ways of doing them - they would have remained pretty much unruffled. Expats recently landed in a new place need to keep that reality in mind, and cut themselves some slack. It takes time - anywhere from a few months to a whole year. And this is where having a book like Danie's can prove invaluable, if only to provide reassurance that it is all normal.

In another insightful post, the author ponders the opinion that "living in India reveals your true character." And she goes on to say, with her usual honesty, that she's not so sure she likes what India is revealing about her own character. I would venture to add that getting out of one's comfort zone to go and live in another country, whether that new country is a hard duty station or not, is likely to help a person build their character, as long as they're willing to take a hard look at their own self. And Danie certainly is.

I totally recommend this book to any expatriate preparing to move to India, but not only. Anyone about to relocate in a new country, especially for the first time, anyone interested in the subjects of life in India, life abroad and culture shock, will find it instructive and interesting. Not to mention that you’ll get to laugh very often.

My Global Bookshelf : "Losing Kei" by Suzanne Kamata

One of the beauties of blogging is that you get to "meet" interesting people you'd probably never run into otherwise. Suzanne Kamata is an expatriate writer whose blog, Gaijin Mama, allows its readers a glimpse into the life of an American mother and wife bringing up twins on an island in rural Japan. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, and she is the editor of the anthologies, The Broken Bridge: Fiction from Expatriates in Literary Japan, and Love You to Pieces: Creative Writers on Raising a Child with special needs.

In her first novel, Losing Kei, published by Leapfrog Press, Suzanne Kamata tells the story of Jill Parker, an American artist who marries a Japanese man. Unfortunately, try as she may to meet the demands of Japanese traditional society, and in spite of the birth of a beautiful son, Kei, she ends up divorcing. Thus begins her struggle to remain in her son's life, as Japanese divorce law does not recognize shared custody and the parent not granted custody is expected to disappear entirely from the life of the child.

The novel's protagonist is a complex, multidimensional character; she can move the reader to tears, one moment - especially when she expresses her passion for her son - and slightly irritate, the following. In fact, I could never quite decide whether I liked her or not. When I asked the author how she felt about her character, she replied that Jill Parker is "passionate, but imperfect. I wanted to create a character who got into trouble on her own, and then found a way to redeem herself. I didn't want her to be simply a victim. She's young and impulsive at the start of events, but she eventually gets her act together."

The book is much more than a fascinating introduction to Japanese culture. It is the journey to maturity of a sensitive, not quite "finished" young woman through an harrowing experience. Something that Jill realizes herself toward the end of the story: "I was born into a middle class family, in a prosperous, peaceful country. There was no obvious war to protest, no important cause that caught my attention. But I had wanted to suffer. I was so young then. Look what happened to me. I no longer had to borrow misery. I'd created it all by myself."

In spite of my reservations about Jill Parker, or maybe because of them, I enjoyed reading Losing Kei. It is a sensitive work, elegantly written, and always respectful of the culture it depicts.

Suzanne Kamata was kind enough to answer a few questions.

How did the inspiration for "Losing Kei" come to you?

I first read an article 10-15 years ago about expatriate parents who'd lost custody of their children to their Japanese ex-spouses and who were then denied access to their children. One of the parents interviewed was a woman journalist who, apparently, lost custody because she was a working woman. Her ex and his new wife gradually turned her son against her, so that he no longer wanted to have anything to do with his mother. I thought that this would be an interesting subject to explore in fiction. In Japan there is no such thing as joint custody, and this sort of thing actually happens quite a bit - to Japanese as well as foreigners.

What would you say has changed you about living in Japan?

I have become comfortable with being an outsider. And I suppose I have learned to appreciate a certain amount of frugality. Living in the U.S. is very comfortable - entire houses are heated, so you can go from room to room without being cold. Here, we heat one room at a time in winter, but it's more ecological, less wasteful.

How about becoming a mother in Japan? Do you find that you have assimilated aspects of your host country's culture, or do both cultures, the American and the Japanese, remain separate?

When I first came here, I said that I would never sleep with my children, and I thought that the idea of fathers bathing with their little daughters was perverse, but we slept with our kids till they were about four, and my husband has taken a bath with them until recently.
In some respects, I remain American. The Japanese tend to stick to traditional gender roles, but I encourage my son to help in the kitchen and read books that might be considered girly, and I like it that my daughter is proud of her biceps.

Thank you, Suzanne, and best of luck to "Losing Kei."

"Get off the bus!"

Two evenings ago, my husband brought me an envelope sent through the UN pouch, and I discovered an advance copy of Kimberly Willis Holt's last novel, to be published in August. I mentioned it before on this blog : Piper Reed, The Great Gypsy.

This is the second book in the series, and Kimberly signed it for me and my "Gypsies." I was totally thrilled and touched. What a lovely surprise ! I started reading it to my almost 8-year-old daughter, last night, and then finished reading it on my own.

Piper has a great voice, a really fun personality, and this totally childlike way of bringing everything back to her. Kimberly also has a great way of describing family dynamics, especially between siblings, and the dialogs are funny and very lively. It's the kind of book that one reads fast. Then, when it's over, you sigh happily and close the back cover with a smile on your face.

As an expat often on the move, I also empathized with Piper wondering "where is home?" And I loved her answer at the end of the book : " .... I decided I'd changed my mind about home. Home was not Pensacola, San Diego, Guam, or any of the other places we might have lived. In fact, home wasn't a particular place at all. Home was my family. Even if they didn't get my jokes sometimes."

As for those who don't know Piper well, yet, "Get Off the Bus" is her favorite expression and usually means that she's excited, happy or generally bowled over.

Thank you so much, Kimberly.

Last book I read : Naming Maya, by Uma Krishnaswami

PaperTigers chose Uma Krishnaswami's novel, Naming Maya, as their Tiger's Choice, this month. After reading the conversation on their blog, I decided to read the book again. I'm glad to report that I enjoyed it even more the second time.

Naming Maya tells the story of a 12-year-old girl who must go to Chennai with her mother, who's decided to sell her father's house. Over the course of the summer in the land of her parents, now divorced, Maya comes to terms with many issues in her life even as she learns more about her family, and her split cultural identity.

The first time I read the book, I'd only been in India for a few months. Now that I've made my home here for almost 4 years, some details of the book spoke to me in a way they did not before. "What will four people say?" worries a character in the book. I laughed out at that one. I didn't know that it was told in that particular way. How vivid, colorful and true! I've come to learn that indeed, as Lakshmi Auntie mentions in the book, Indians are very much brought up to mind what any four people around might say. They're not the only society to be like that, mind you, far from it; but it's definitely strong, here.

I adored the character of Kamala Mami, the old, loving housekeeper who's also the keeper of the family's history.

There are many layers to this book : communication between mother and daughter - the question on PaperTigers was to know whether this would be a good mother-daughter book club, and I definitely think it would be - with the weight of things never said permeating everything between them; Maya learning to feel her way in this place that's so much part of what she is and feels familiar with in a deep, instinctive way, and yet, is not home in the sense that New Jersey, where she was born and brought up, is ; and the wonderful symbol of the Two-Gift (Maya and her best friend in New Jersey always buy each other two identical gifts ; they give the other one, and keep one for themselves, so they have twin collections) which comes full circle when Kamala Mami gives her her own Two-Gift. And, of course, there is the language, rich, full of sensory details, the description of Chennai's city life, the neighbors with the husband always speaking about the weather, and the wife always complaining about the house-help, the tantalizing descriptions of all the Indian dishes cooked by Kamala Mami, etc.

Thanks to PaperTigers for launching this conversation and giving me the opportunity to read this book again.

Expat Expert Robin Pascoe is touring India

EXPAT EXPERT ROBIN PASCOE TALKS ABOUT EXPATRIATION, REPATRIATION AND THE CHALLENGES OF RAISING GLOBAL NOMADS IN TODAY’S WORLD

As parents of global nomads, many of us wonder, somewhat anxiously, how to manage the constant changes our children experience, how to best prepare transitions between countries, how to maximize the benefits of an international life and minimize its pitfalls. Expat Expert Robin Pascoe is currently touring India, and she will be here in Hyderabad, next week. The author of five books on global living, the last of which is titled: Raising Global Nomads: Parenting Abroad in an On-Demand World, she'll provide her view on all of these expatriate concerns and more.

Robin is a Canadian who spent 15 years moving between Asia and Canada with her diplomat husband and two children, now both grown-up. She experienced the expatriate life as a pregnant woman, as the mother of babies, toddlers, middle graders, and teenagers. And the fact that she waited until her children were both out of the nest to write this last book brings an added dimension and value to her testimony: she could look back and take stock.

The expat reading Robin Pascoe’s books is sure to experience a number of very strong feelings: exhilaration, many “eureka” moments, validation, reassurance, and last, but far from least, the bizarre notion that they know the author, and most importantly, that this author knows them! Not only does she describe our experiences by sharing hers, she does it with great wit and humor. We read, we smile or even laugh out loud, sometimes we feel like crying, but most of all, we keep thinking: “YES! I did that!” How, funny, I’ve felt that way!” “Ha, that happened to me, too!”

I first read Robin's books - along with David Pollock (to whom Robin Pascoe dedicates this last one) and Ruth Van Reken’s “Third Culture Kids” - while living in a small bush town in Nigeria and it was such an enlightening experience. Being the consummate worrier, questions about our uprooted life and the impact it would have on our daughter had been gaining momentum in my brain, but with barely anyone to share them with, I felt terribly isolated. The discovery that others experience the same feelings, and most of all, that most of our children turn out great, provided that parents are proactive, aware of pitfalls, and available to help their offspring negotiate them, was incredibly reassuring and liberating. I was not alone. Moreover, my children were not alone. What a relief!

Raising Global Nomads addresses issues like culture shock and the ways to negotiate them, the importance of creating and keeping family rituals, how to keep the family healthy, work-life harmony, especially when the working spouse spends most of their time at work, traveling, or manipulating their Blackberry, and of course, the vast and tricky subject of international schools. She mentions, with good humor, that when she speaks at international schools, not only are these talks typically organized by the school’s parent organization, but she usually finds very few teachers in the audience. She also notes how “many international schools are almost as bad as multinational corporations when it comes to recognizing the emotional needs of children and budgeting to accommodate training programs,” a fact she deplores, as “there is more to teaching global nomads than achieving a perfect score on a math test.” The book covers all areas of expatriates’ life, including the tricky subject of repatriation. There are also contributions from other global nomad experts: Dr Barbara Schaetti and Lois Bushong.

In preparation for Robin coming to Hyderabad, on April 29 and 30, I asked her a few questions:

How did you come to write so extensively on the subject of expatriation?

For me, it started with the birth of my daughter in Bangkok, Thailand. I was one of the founders of an international mother's group (still going strong after 25 years!) called BAMBI http://www.bambiweb.org/ I started a newsletter/magazine for them and got interested in the idea that new mothers, with their own far away, should support one another. This idea kind of mushroomed over the years into expat expert and writing books, articles and publishing a website.

Why did you feel the need to write Raising Global Nomads, after your other books?

I had written a previous book about parenting overseas that was published in 1993! I knew how out of date it was, but the original publisher never let me update it to include the Internet and all the challenges of the 21st century. So, because my own children were becoming young adults, it was a very good chance for me to look back to see what worked for me, what didn't work for me (!) and what worked for others. The big picture became clearer to me once the smaller details of day to day child-rearing were taken away.

Your daughter was born in Bangkok and your son was born in Ottawa. What are they doing, now? How would you say they feel about the life they had growing up?

As I joke in my book, our daughter Lilly is the environmentalist and global citizen....but our son Jay four years younger is the real tree hugger who should never leave home. After some international internships, Lilly is doing her masters in environmental studies in Toronto. Jay is home in Vancouver studying at the local college after what he calls 'an unfortunate year' at a university out of town. This is an example I use in my lectures a lot...of the so-called expat expert missing out on the obvious which was that our son probably should never have moved away to school because we moved him five times before he was 9 and just the idea of moving makes him crazy! The main thing is he's doing as best a 20 year old boy can do and is much more settled and happy at a school at home.... Our daughter, almost 25, soars professionally, but often believes she has challenges making long term relationships. Of course, if she would stay put somewhere long enough that would help! They both know they are different from their non-moving friends but like so many third culture kids, most of their friends are also from different places.

What would you say are the main challenges that global nomads must face?

They face all the same challenges of any young adult growing up in today's on-demand, cellular world....and then some. Parents of third culture kids often ascribe certain challenges or character traits to the TCK or mobile experience when really, some issues might have cropped up anyway! But I think the biggest one from my experience is their sense of wondering 'where is home?' and 'where am I from?' I help them answer that by framing a response: they are globalists. The world is their home in the big picture; their family and extensive network of friends are both their memory and their history.

Would you say that your global experience has changed you significantly, and how?

Absolutely. I could have lived my entire life in Toronto (my home town) and traveled to Florida or Hawaii for golfing and that would have been it. Instead, I've had a wonderful, privileged life of tremendous experiences and the opportunity to expose my children to the world. Now if I could just get over my fear of flying, my world would be perfect.

What was the lowest "low" in your own global experience? How about the "highest high?"

I think the lowest was at the very beginning when I had no idea whatsoever what I was getting myself into...and was pregnant on top of that.... :-) It is the primary reason why I started writing books, to make sure women knew what they were going to face without an identity or paycheque or absent, traveling husband. The highest experiences, ironically, have come after we left Foreign Service and moved to Vancouver. I never for a minute expected to keep writing books and traveling so it's really been amazing to go to so many communities and feel useful. I do a lot of reassuring!

If you had only one piece of advice to give to parents of global nomads, what would that be – other than read your book :) ?

I think I wrote in my introduction that every family is unique and will make choices that are right for their families. I can write about what I did, and people can relate to certain pieces of it, but at the end of the day, parents must always feel confident that they know their children the best, they know what's right or wrong for their child, when it might be time to stay in one place and so on. In other words, I want parents to have self-confidence in their own parenting skills (recognizing that not every decision may be the right one....like mine, to suggest my son go away to college...wrong decision!) But nothing is irrevocable and besides, we all make mistakes. I believe no experience is bad experience (even if at the time you can't believe you chose to do something). I have to re-read my own books a lot and especially look at my power pt presentations and remind myself that every success has a few failures behind it. That's OK. The ability to tell your children you were wrong is also a bonus. As I like to say, we do what we can with love and the best of intentions. What more can we do?

If you had only one piece of advice to give directly to our global nomads, what would that be?

Doesn't matter what advice I give to them....they know it all already :-) Seriously, it's very difficult to speak to young adults because like young people everywhere, they think they know everything and as a parent saying something, they will run in the opposite direction from our advice....! But I would definitely educate them about 'third culture kids" (or advise them to educate themselves through the books and websites now devoted to the subject) so they know they are not alone in the way they have been growing up and that there is a world community of young people just like them who does understand their uniqueness.

You raise some very interesting points regarding the role of digital communications when dealing with culture shock. You mention the need to use caution, for instance. Why?

Long story too....I think the Internet and all the technology has been both the best and worst things to happen to expats. The best because of course we can keep in touch, get info, read our local papers etc. The worst because it is often mismanaged and not used in a healthy way. Too much Internet at the beginning of an assignment, as I wrote, can delay the stages of culture shock. Too many phone calls from mom may break a spirit of independence in a child. Too much time on a Blackberry by a parent can be alienating. Facebook is great and kids are posting all sorts of stuff....not realizing it's there forever! So I'm really recommending 'technology management'.

You emphasize the subtle difference between "pro-active parenting" and "over parenting." How and where does one draw the line?

I like to use the baby in a playpen analogy to explain this. Put the child in the playpen with lots of toys to play with. That's pro-active parenting. Then leave them alone to play with their toys instead of jumping in there personally and showing them how each toy works. That's over-parenting.

You mention the role of grief in culture shock. My experience has been that even when the expatriate experience is not a happy one (the expat cannot wait to leave the host country) they better make sure they still acknowledge all the feelings that go with leaving one place, any place, to relocate to another – whether it's going back home, or moving on to yet another country – or they'll be carrying unresolved feelings around like a bunch of very clunky, unwanted luggage. What would you say about that?

I agree completely! I have met and interviewed so many expats who hated a posting but then when you meet them at their next posting or after repatriation, they rhapsodize poetically about a place they supposedly hated! Every move must be brought to a proper closure(celebrate the end of a posting, take lots of pictures etc) or there will be grief over the loss of that experience even if it wasn't great. The best transition gurus have always said: there can be no good beginning without first a good ending of the previous experience.

If you would like more information about Robin Pascoe, visit her website at www.expatexpert.com. She’s currently conducting a Relocation Survey titled: Family Matters! at www.expatexpert.com/survey. It is for family only, including high schoolers, and Robin will be publishing the results and using the information (all anonymous) when she speaks to businesses about the importance of family support for relocation.

Interview : Susan Collins Thoms, author of "Cesar Takes A Break"

Sue and I have been in the same online critique group for a number of years. I remember when I read her email announcing that Cesar had been picked up for publication, I was in New York City, expecting my second daughter, due any day. I was so happy that I cried - of course, my hormones were a bit crazy at the time, but I was also totally thrilled in an I-always-knew-it kind of way. Sue is a very talented writer: not only is her prose beautiful and poetic - I always call her "the poet", but she's also a wonderful, kind, generous person. I'm very proud that she accepted to answer my questions for this blog.

First of all, tell us about Cesar. Who is he, what does he do, who’s the publisher and when is the book coming out?

Cesar is an iguana that lives in a second-grade classroom at Pinebrook Elementary School. When the kids leave for spring break, he is miffed at being left alone. He decides to take his own vacation. He sets out to explore the school, meets the other class pets and has a great time.

The book came out this month (March, 2008) and is published by Sterling Publishing.

How did Cesar’s story come to you?

Cesar Takes a Break is based on a true story. The iguana in my son’s fourth-grade class – also named Cesar -- escaped during spring break. He was when the kids returned to school. Everyone was so worried about him. Five days after Cesar disappeared, my son spotted him peeking out from a vent in the wall. After Cesar was back safe and sound, I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. It looked to me as if Cesar decided to take a spring break just as the kids did. I decided to write Cesar’s story.

Tell us something about Sue the writer? How do you carve time to write, in your busy working mother’s schedule?

I wish I could say I had a good, fixed schedule for writing. Instead, I just look for opportunities – and hour here or there. When the kids are off hanging out with their friends and the computer is free, I sit down and write. When I first started writing, I would go out to a café or restaurant to write to help me focus. Sometimes, I go away for a writer’s weekend with my sister. We spend our days writing or doing our own thing, then get together for a hike in the afternoon. In the evening, we make dinner and talk for hours.

What about Sue in her everyday life: what do you do when you’re not writing?

I am a newspaper copy editor, and my husband I have three kids. When we’re not working, it seems we’re always busy with kids and kids’ activities and just keeping the home ship afloat.

Why writing? And why for children?

I have always loved books, loved reading, and always wanted to write my own stories. I never really thought about doing anything else when I was younger. By the time I decided to get serious about writing fiction, I was a mother and had developed a love of children’s books. I really wanted to write for children.

Also, back when I was in college, I was lucky to take a great course in children’s literature. We studied picture books, and I was fascinated by the way pictures and text came together to create a story. I didn’t think about writing for kids then, but I think that class planted a seed.

What is your first memory related to reading, writing, to books?

Great question! I can remember a time when I couldn’t read and really wanted to. My oldest sister, Cathy, tried to teach me showing the comics. I remember she showed me a letter A and circled it. Then she asked me to try to find another A in the comics. I couldn’t. Then, she pointed to one word and asked me to find an A. I still couldn’t. It all looked like a bunch of squiggly lines. I really wanted those lines to come together and make sense, but they didn’t

I don’t remember when it all came together. All I know is that in first grade, I was reading all the time and loving it.

What books had a strong impact on you as a child? Any favorite? Book or author?

I loved “The Cat in the Hat” when I was a little kid. When I got older, I read tons of Nancy Drew Mysteries. And I loved “Harriet the Spy.” It inspired me to keep a journal for the first time.

This is your first publication. Tell us how things happened for you? How was Cesar picked up?

I met my editor, Meredith Mundy Wasinger, at a Michigan SCBWI conference. I submitted Cesar Takes a Break for a critique. She was very enthusiastic about the story but had lots of questions. She wanted me to provide more sensory detail and to tighten the structure of the story. But she also said she would be happy to take a look at it again if I revised. That made my day, my week, my year! I revised it for her twice before the story finally was accepted.

I find that there are many articles about how to get published, but all in all, very little information about the process, once a story has been accepted for publication. Of course, it has to do with the fact that editors all have their ways of doing things. Still, some things are pretty much the same everywhere. What would like to say about the publishing process? How did it happen? What were the highlights for you?

It was very exciting to watch the story take shape on the page – to see the sketches, then the final art, then the proofs with the text and art together. I love Rogé’s art. He really captured Cesar’s personality and humor.

I was surprised by the attention to detail – in my text and in the illustrations – as the book came together.

How was it with Meredith Mundy Wasinger? Everyone hears the most wonderful things about her.

She is terrific. She is an extremely thorough editor and has a great sense of humor. At times, I felt like I had a collaborator on the story. If you like the image of Cesar sunning himself under the French fry heat lamps, thank Meredith!
Would you tell us how it worked? Were you consulted at all? How often?

I didn’t expect to be consulted at all on the art, so I was pleasantly surprised when I was. I was asked what kind of illustrations I imagined for the story and asked to comment on sketches. I happily volunteered my opinion, but I knew the final decision was up the editor and art director.

What projects are you working on, now? More PBs? Novels?

I am working on a Michigan Christmas picture book for Sterling. I also have a novel under way.

What advice would you give to a new aspiring writer?

Write the story you want to tell – the one no one else can tell for you. Work at your craft. And find kindred spirits who can help you improve your writing and offer support when you get discouraged.

Can I add one thing? Thank you so much for inviting me to talk about my book! You are one of those kindred spirits I was talking about. You have been such a help to me – with my writing and with life in general. I am grateful for your wisdom and your friendship! I know your first book will be out soon, and I can’t wait to see it.

Thank you, Sue. And the best of luck to Cesar.